A slave to myself

Life should be like the sheets on my bed. Fresh and wrinkle free!
Life should be like the sheets on my bed. Fresh and wrinkle free!

The bed sheet is crinkle free, tucked tight. The clothes are sorted into categories- outside, inside, good, casual, night, home, etc. The shoes all in boxes and packets. The  room is relatively dust free (as much as possible in Delhi). The Things To Do List in my mind is endless. It is perpetually running, checking things off, adding more and dropping some. I wasn’t always like this although I don’t remember any other version of me. But I think I truly became this person in college, when I moved out. I had a lot of stuff and not enough room to store. So I planned, innovated and disciplined myself. Little did I know that in the process, I would become a slave to myself.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about how to maximize my trip around the room to do all things I ‘have’ to do. My room is 10×12 feet and the bed in it is 6×5 feet. Do the math.

When I see Nikhil sprawled on the bed the sheet wrinkled, crinkled under him, at times I have an ‘Awww’ moment and then I try to untuck the sheet from under him. While he is still sleeping. You see what I am getting at?

At times I am bum tired and all I want to do crawl into the untidy unruly mess of bed Nikhil left behind. But I can’t. I may lie down for a bit but then I drag myself up to fix the room and sheet before I allow myself to rest.

My life is full of these instances. Sometimes I appall myself with my need to control the small, basic elements of my own life.  Actually the need controls me. Once again, a slave to myself.

This compulsive need to have everything in order is beautiful yet ugly. The outcome is beautiful but the effort and the sadistic person you become in the process is ugly.

How I wish I was one of those people who did not give a damn. Who did not care that the toothbrush is not in its rightful slot. Who did not mind sleeping on crumbs of samosa on the bed. Who did not care that the laundry is not laid properly and will have wrinkles. Who did not bother press folding the undergarments before putting them in the rightful place. How I wish I was a little like Nikhil.

But that is not the story. I know a person who would not sit anywhere once taken a dump for the fear of passing on potty fumes. I know a person who would offer clean loos at a close friends house, if it needed one. I know a person who clean the kitchen till one can eat of its platform. I know a person who hates compliments on h** beautiful thick luscious hair. I know a person who would want anyone to take a bath after a big job. I know a person who doesn’t like messy hands and dishes while eating food, so eats roti sabzi with a spoon.

Aren’t idiosyncrasies fun? They make people so much more interesting. Their plights, to many maybe amusing unless you are one of them and you totally get it. I wish whoever is reading this piece, has gotten this far and is also a slave to oneself- Smiles. We are not alone. We are never boring, never bored,

How lucky are we!


9 thoughts on “A slave to myself

  1. Well written Pallavi. Exactly what I expected, reading your blog is a refresher. Well I could relate to a lot of these instances. I remember my roommate getting pissed with me for cleaning the kitchen at 1 am. But our folks love us for what we are and how we balance out their lives. I totally second your thoughts and loved how notably you have explained US. 😉


  2. Nice one pals :* I esp liked the beautiful and ugly side of the idiosyncrasies you explained. I hate a wet bathroom and sometimes spend an idiotic amount of time mopping and cleaning it. Each one in my house has their own idiosyncratic behaviour. Keep up the brilliant writing !!!


  3. Well written Pallavi (Piyu for me)..we all have such idiosyncrasies and it runs in the family…who knows it better than you…we have grown up detesting such idiosyncrasies of our elders while in turn developing some of ours unknowingly…you say you want to become a bit like Nikhil but watch closely he might hv a few of his own…ha ha ha…every individual has…some very obvious and noticable while some go totally unnoticed…so observe more who knows he might supply you some ingredient for your next write up…looking forward to it…


  4. Pals! I am glad we will be able to READ your thoughts, which are always so entertaining! Keep up the great writing. Lots of love.


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